My Daddy. . .

I couldn't let today go by without spending a little time with my daddy! Thirteen years ago today I lost my dad. Words aren't invented yet that can express my sorrow. I know that after all of this time I can talk about him and remember him without crying each time. I can enjoy the memories that were so hard to hold so soon after his passing. I can think of him and remember the fun without hurting so badly.

I still can't think about how difficult it was the day he died without wanting to cry. I think that day is just such a part of my heart now that I can and am able to put away the tears for another time. Or, it may be that I know if I allow myself the cry, I may never be able to stop.

How do you lose your daddy without the experience leaving a huge hole in your heart? How does that hole heal? Am I the only one that still thinks about this on this same day each year? I know others miss him, but how could they possibly miss him as much as I do? I know other people remember him and always tell me they do, but do they miss him like I do?

Thirteen years, wow, thirteen years ago the world as I knew it shattered. I knew as an adult that I would someday, as we all do, lose a parent. I just didn't know it was going to be that day. I was unprepared for the huge void. It isn't like I spent hundreds of hours with dad, just minutes, usually at a time. It wasn't that we had long heart to heart talks, it was usually a few words here and there as I called to talk to mom. But, it was that minute here and that word there that was so special.

It's the moments that make the memories that you miss. It isn't the large important things that you think of after you lose your dad. It's the little things. The way they answer a question, the way they held your hand as a child, the things they listened to in the car on the radio. The everyday things that you really seem to forget over time, until, they day they aren't there anymore. Then you remember and somehow, they break your heart.

I still miss you daddy, I always will. I think of you every day, every single time one of my grandkids does something funny, I wish you were here to see it and then I miss you all over again.

Hey Goob, I love you!